Saturday, July 28, 2012

To Cut or Not to Cut?

We will soon be faced with a decision.  

For the last 2 years we have held off on the decision to cut the acoustic nerve tumor that rests on the right side of Bailey's brain.  (this was NOT just based on OUR choice, but a recommendation from Bailey's neurosurgeon who felt leaving the tumor, would be better than cutting it out)

However, over the last 2 yrs, even though this tumor has remained "stable"...Bailey's symptoms have not.

The dizziness that Bailey faces every single day has impacted her life so much, that surgery may now be the best option.  But this does not come without serious repercussions.

We have been told, based on the location of this tumor, that surgery would leave Bailey completely deaf on her right side.  Facial paralysis is likely....And, surgery would not guarantee that Bailey's dizziness would go away.

So what do we do?  Take a risk and HOPE that Bailey's symptoms would at least get better?

I'm scared.  This is brain surgery!  

There are some days when I just throw up my hands.  And that's when I actually feel the relief.  
*Will I ever learn?* 

I know that God is in control -- But it's ME that has to make this decision!  And it's Bailey that has to live with the outcome of this decision!

August 10th...Bailey will have an MRI and we will meet with our oncology team and the Neurosurgeon and try to come up with the best plan....

And for now, my hands will remain in the air, and we will just continue to live in the NOW! :)

Thrive On!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Round Up River Ranch

"There is magic that u can see with your eyes...
then there is THAT magic u feel with your hearts." Kristi Hopkins

When I was accepted as a volunteer for Round Up River Ranch...I was so excited...But nothing could have prepared me for what my week was going to be like.  MAGIC...Is the word I think of to describe my time at Round Up River Ranch! 

I kept telling people that this was a vacation, which it kind of was.  A vacation from the everyday, non-stop craziness of my life.  I was able to 'let go' of the negativity and all consuming business, of life back home...and focus on helping to create some magical memories for children who are living with medical issues that prevent them from a 'normal' life.

It was heartbreaking as we went through the individual children and their challenges.

But when the kids arrived at camp...I didn't see what I expected to see.  

I didn't see "sickness".  

I saw  kids were happy, full of life and VERY excited to be at camp!  I saw people who didn't focus on what was "wrong"....I saw so much energy, so much positive, so much LIFE. :)

The week was an amazing lesson for me, as we go through our own medical trials...

There are times when it all just becomes too much to handle - 
When I focus too much on the problems, instead of the solution.  I sometimes forget that I am the one in charge over how happy I allow myself to be.  

The "problems" will always be there...And it's how we choose to handle those issues that will determine our paths in life.  I thank Round Up River Ranch for allowing me to be a part of the 'secret' MAGIC.  I will carry this magic around with me forever!