CT Scans and more questions

It seems that ever since I began having children, I also began having issues with my kidneys. Now if anyone has everhad a kidney stone, they know, that's it gets compared to the pain of childbirth...only you get a slightly different outcome.

Over a month, I was in the ER, having chest pains. I went in, because, they were not going away, and I thought about how many stories i have read about people dying, or having major issues because they decided not listen to their bodies.

So there I was....EKG, Chest Xray, blood work --- they were very thorough. While I was there, in my room, another symptom, very familiar crept up on me. I began using the toilet literally every 2 minutes. I swear. I would only pee out a drop--but the sudden urges felt like the flood gates were about to burst.

My urine dip came out positive for blood and whatever else they check for, to confirm bladder and kidney issues. UGHH It was horrible. I was sent home with a clear chest xray but a raging kidney/bladder infection!

I found a primary care DR, and went in and unloaded all the issues; NF, kidney, bladder, thyroid, exhaustion etc etc. And despite this Drs horrible disposition, she was very intent, on writing everything down, and addressing all my "issues".

I got a call a few days later, telling me of my blood test results and also that the xray I had done @ the hospital showed some calcification and enlargement of my kidney. So I was ordered to go for a CT scan.

FINALLY---I was going to get some answers...and treatment! The pain meds have not been able to touch the pain I am in! I was excited for the scan let me tell you!

The scan was no big deal. IV hooked up for contrast and .... "breathe in.....hold it" *click* over and over. The contrast make you feel weird...leaving a metal type taste in your mouth and alos makes you feel like you are peeing....LOL I walked out - just knowing answers were coming!

The call from the Dr, 2 days later however, did not bring answers. "We need you to go for another CT scan. The last one showed some nodeuls in your chest (lungs)...and we are referring you out to a urologist for your kidneys." Scared and confused....I wrote down the info for the urologist and took off for the 2nd CT scan.

This scan took about 10 minutes. No contrast IV, just laying there while the scanner looked inside my body.

Looking up at the ceiling and around the room, I felt a comforting peace around me. A sort of "hug"...telling me I will be okay. I accepted this and closed my eyes, until the scans were done.

I got dressed and left.

When I got home, I googled "noduels in lungs" and was not surprised when I saw "neurofibromatosis" as one of the possible things this could be. I guess its not rare, but I couldn't find anything else.

So I am left with questions -- My head is spinning and I am really scared!

Not only do I have this kidney thing, I have this lung thing too.

Why does NF have to be so cruel?

Sometimes I find myself wondering what kind of God, would allow this type of thing to happen. Why cancer? Why this? Why that? I don't have answers to those questions either....but I chose to believe, that God has a purpose for me....God sees me as a wonderful, spiritual child. And I chose....to live my life according to His will.

I'll get answers eventually...but until then....I will live. Live this life as best as I can.