Whirring Thoughts

Help me, Lord, my God. Save me according to your unfailing love." 

(Psalm 109:25-27)

I love the book of Psalms.  I could read it all day.  It's hard to wrap my head around the love that the Lord has for me....Even on my bad  REALLY bad days...

But  I don't think God's love is really meant to be understood.

 I am sitting here, in the quiet. My brain is whirring and many thoughts are coming to me...

  

Thoughts of Bailey.

Will she be okay?  Will surgery be the BEST option for her?  There is so much to consider!  So many potential outcomes.  How do we know what is best?  She is 16 years old, and already has faced so much.  I truly hate that the DR. basically "put the ball in our court", in regards to surgery...Can't he just tell us the best path to take?  Hmm-  That's kinda the way God works, isn't it.

There is so much more going on in the life of Bailey.  Her biological father told us this Summer that he was going to 'give her up'.  Meaning allow Rich to adopt her and her brother.  Bailey actually smiled at the thought of this, which left me feeling confused.

Thoughts of Braden.

I got a phone call from the Children's Hospital the other day.  They were calling to schedule a MRI of Braden's brain and spine.  Oh yeah... Braden.  With all of the issues going on with Bailey...and the fact Braden has been doing so well...I almost forgot, totally that he needed his 6 month scan.  

THANK GOD FOR THE HOSPITAL WHO KEEPS TRACK OF THESE THINGS!

The phone call caught me off guard.  

Braden's last MRI discovered Plexiform tumors in his spine.  Right now these tumors cause mild pain...And do not limit him at all.  But I know all too well, to not get comfortable in this place.

"Stop fighting, stop resisting, stop complaining and start trusting your sovereign Heavenly Father; refuse to worry."

~Chip Ingram

Thoughts of Brooklyn.

I haven't really talked much about Brooklyn and her "issues"....'Cause they are really MY issues.  Brooklyn was diagnosed with Vitiligo last winter.  Vitiligo is a skin condition (Just what we needed...ANOTHER skin condition!) that causes the skin to lose pigmentation...making white patches appear anywhere on the body.

When you compare Vitiligo to Neurofibromatosis...I'll take Vitiligo hands down...But I still find myself angry and worried.  Like ..."Are you kidding me?  She's free and clear of NF, but now has to deal with THIS?"   It's really maddening...

Rich says I am overreacting.  And I probably am.

Stop Fighting, stop resisting, stop complaining---And what's that part about worry? 

MRI Day

"Close your eyes...Hold VERY still, and dream a fantastic dream!" 

-Mommy

This has been the LONGEST week in history, I am SURE of it!  When we got the Rachel news, that her eye site had changed "dramatically" since her last visit...It was like we were holding our breath, waiting for the next step.

I KNEW an MRI was going to be ordered (a VERY normal thing when you live with Neurofibromatosis) But the waiting and waiting and WAITING had cut my fuse VERY short.  All the "i's" must be dotted, all the "t's" must be crossed. (of course, I get it)

Thursday couldn't get here soon enough....I just wanted the MRI to be over with, results to come in and for us to do SOMETHING.

Rachel was SOOOOO excited for her MRI.  Alone time with mommy, a special treat after...and in HER words, an opportunity to be like Alice in Wonderland! ( I told Rachel she was like Alice, when she did her very first unsedated MRI...and it stuck )

I've learned a LOT from my kids, when it comes to living in the NOW....They have taught me to focus on the good, and worry about the bad, when or if it comes.

The MRI results MAY show nothing....or they MAY show something...What I focused on today, was that my little girl wasn't worried at all....And I took HER lead!

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

THRIVE ON!