Saturday, June 20, 2009


This stupid disease. There are some days, that I feel like such a freak. I find myself saying things like, "It's not fair!", "Why me?.....Why this?" I know I will never really know the answers to these questions...and damn pisses me off so much!
The variability of NF is what gets me so angry. Why are some people affected in ways like Reggie Bibbs? Then others, you wouldn't know they have NF at all........
Does Reggie ask the same quesitons I ask? Does he find his life "unfair"? I wonder. I look at people more affected by NF, then feel like an ass for saying anything negative. But as I get older....I am seeing NF become more a part of my life.
I have embraced this NF. (I use the term embrace loosely) But I have come to a point in my life, where I need to stand for something....I want people to remember me for more than just the woman who birthed six kids and suffered financially, her whole life.
I want to be the woman who stood up for a disease that is cruel and relentless. I want people to see in me a strength. I want to be a fighter .. a lover of life.
The tumors may cover my body.....but I will NOT let them take over my soul! My heart will take action and be open to anyone who needs a friend...
I will be strong for my children, who will no doubt, suffer from the wrath of NF. I will remind them daily, how beautiful they are....and how proud I am, to be their mommy.
I will hold the hands of my children, during the blood draws, MRI's, surgery...etc
I will NOT let them see me crying for them. Instead...they will see a strong woman, who doesn't times that are hard.
When I, myself am sick, or tired, or in pain from NF.....I will still find the time to snuggle and tak with my children.
See.....NF.....YOU have NOTHING over me! I will carry on with my life. YOU are a pathetic little nothing. And one day...I know, we will find a way to kill you. So that others never have to face you.
I win.
You Lose.