Let me explain.
When Bailey's tumors were discovered...It sent us into another world. A world filled with weekly doctor visits, MRI scans, blood draws, fevers, nausea....Writing about it, being 2 yrs removed from that life, is surreal.
It's a blur...I don't remember how we managed.
We were given so much attention...And we felt "safe". At least I DID. We knew that if anything were to go wrong...That our doctors were RIGHT THERE....And that they knew us. They knew our story.
Being "stable" scares me. Because I know any moment, that could change. Any moment, life can send us right back to that other world. A world that we have become strangers to.
At our last MRI...The news of "STABLE" sent a very uncomfortable feeling -- "See you in a year!" I should be celebrating this news...Right? I did celebrate...But....
This news made me feel like these doctors have no idea how suddenly and abruptly life can change....You would think - that working with children with cancer, they would understand this!
They sent us away...Like ending a relationship...A breaking of hearts.
Don't they get it...?
Stable means NOTHING to me.
A year from now, we will be strangers to our doctors. Our story forgotten.
I feel like the tumors in my daughters head, are just a ticking bomb. I mean, they came from out of no where...We were blindsided, when they showed up on the MRI ...Why wouldn't our doctors want to monitor them more closely ...? A year is a long time.
I keep reminding myself that STABLE is a good thing. But we were stable before those tumors were found...Then got the wind knocked out of us.
I can't relax. The moment I get comfortable with STABLE....Everything changes.
THRIVE THRIVE THRIVE.