In 'every day life', my NF stays relatively quiet. I go about my day just trying to survive the craziness. I wake up, go to work...come home, spend time with the family...Go to bed, and begin again.
Good days...Bad days....I just take them as they come.
My brother has been dead for a month now...And I still don't know how to accept it. I'll put on a strong face, but inside I am so sad. So angry.
I hate that life just continues on, like nothing happened.
Because something DID happen. The world lost a beautiful person....And it's just not fair!
I know you have probably heard it a ZILLION times....That life is precious and that we should cherish the time we have with the ones we love....And I did. I cherished Mikey. He was my best buddy...And I know without a doubt, he knew he was loved by everyone who knew him.....
Which just makes losing him more difficult.
Mike knew he had NF. He knew he was 90% blind and 50% deaf....He knew he tumors and a shunt. But he didn't care. He never let those things be an excuse.
He went out into the world and made people happy. He wasn't about "stuff" or money.
He just LOVED. God I wish more people were like him.
Life gives us a fleeting moment to make an impact...And Mikey did that. I am so proud to have been his sister. So proud to have learned from him. So proud to have no regrets when it comes to my relationship with him.
THRIVE ON!
I believe there is no true way, and no true reason to full accept the passing of your brother (or any loved one for that matter) when someone passes away, its like a piece of your puzzle has been removed from what makes your life "your life" and you need to find a way to live with that piece no longer there. and I don't know that I would ever say that you need to fully accept something like that.
ReplyDeleteI do believe that the reason life just "carries on" so to speak is because society and the world fear death, and fear the unknown after death, and when someone passes away it hits home that it can happen to anyone at anytime for no reason at all, and the easiest way to make it day by day is to try to "carry on" as normal as one can afterwords, and forget that death is always present. its like a way of coping so to speak.
Mikey may not be here any longer, but he taught his lil' sis well. Taught her how to be crazy, let loose, have fun, to be a great person, and to be an amazing advocate, and teacher, friend , and partner , sister and mom. He may no longer physically be here, but the lessons he taught you , and has shown the world himself , will now come from you. He will speak through you , through your actions. the passion he had and you shared has now become even stronger, and the differens you already make, will just grow.
Everyone whos life Mikey touched will forever speak of him. Share his story, and tell of the amazing person he is and was.
You may always find yourself living life, then having a moment of sadness, of tears, of anger and of looking up and asking why, and that's okay. its through all that , that we eventually get the answers, even if our mind fails to hear it, our souls will. Never be embarrassed to have those moments, and always make sure you allow yourself to feel them. you are not alone, and you have many people here who will always be here, and allow you to feel all the range of emotions you may need to feel, and will never think anything of it. they will, we will just know you are missing your Brother and you just need to let the feelings come.
I can promise you Mikey was proud to be your big brother, to protect you, and get you into trouble!. He loved you then, and he loves you now. and man is he ever proud of who you have become. and who you continue to be. I know for a fact, to this day, hes standing there pointing at you and saying , Yeah, thats MY sis.
Mikey was and continues to be to this day an amazing person,
RIP sweet Mikey , the world lost an amazing person, and you will forever be missed, but never forgotten. Be sure to check in on your sis, she needs to hear from you that you are okay, and that you will watch over her, and protect her.
I promise you, us here will continue to have her back and take care of her.