So there went March and April, and now May is almost over....Howd THAT happen?
I 'm a bit overwhelmed and frustrated with the way things are going...but I do know that God's plan is there, even when the road seems a bit dark.
2 weeks ago, Rachel went for her MRI. We spent the day together, and really connected.
MRI's and Purple posicles
As she closed her eyes, and drifted off to a place where she is free from being scared, I kissed her
forehead gently and walked away. "I love you", I whispered, as I walked out of the room. Walking down the long hallway, my mind flooded with thoughts and now, I was the one who was scared.
stopped half way down the narrow walkway and leaned against the cold white wall. I slid down and
put my face in my knees, my hands clasping the back neck as I prayed. "Bless her, and keep her safe".
My prayers then changed to questions, "Why? If God is powerful enough to separate oceans, and make
blind man see again....then why does He not cure this disease, that will ravage my child?"
My questions, suddenly filled me with anger....I was so mad at this disease. My baby didn't deserve this! My body was hot, and my jaw was clenched. My hands were still gripped tightly on the back of my neck.
My emotions were quickly interrupted when my shoulder was touched by beautiful woman wearing hospital scrubs. "Mrs. Hopkins?" she asked. I looked up at her, my eyes red and teary, "Yes?" I replied.
We're all done, she's just waking up in recovery, follow me". I slid up the wall and followed the nurse to the recovery area, where my baby girl was waiting. We smiled at each other, from across the room.
I have to tell you something really funny" the nurse said
“When your little girl woke up, from anesthesia she was laughing so hard....she made the Doctor and all the nurses laugh too.” The tension I was feeling in that moment left my body, and I smiled.
I made my way, across the room and took my baby in my arms. I hugged her for what seemed like an eternity. She asked for a purple Popsicle and we just sat in the moment. She had no real clue about the tests she just had, or any of the possible outcomes.
I am trying to take my little girls lead and just live the life I have been so blessed to have. Live in each of the moments I have been gifted.
You never know what can happen...It could be Cancer, loss of limbs, or any incurable disease. Life is fragile and precious. That's how I plan to treat it.
We sat in recovery for an hour and when given the okay to leave, we decided to skip the wheelchair taxi, and use the mommy piggy back instead! She climbed onto my back, and we galloped out of there! I didn't mind the lack of oxygen, from her little arms, wrapped around my neck...I was just enjoying my time with my little girl.
On the way home, we stopped for a bite to eat. Instead of going through the drive-thru, we decided to dine-in. I cherished the simplicity of our conversation; butterflies, rainbows, and how her favorite color used to be purple and now it's blue.
looked into her beautiful eyes, through her funny glasses and smiled. She looked back at me and told me that this was her “most favortest day ever.” I told her that it was mine too.
We took our time, eating our lunch. We pretended the french fries were people, and gave them ketchup lipstick. We laughed when two french fries would kiss.
THIS was why I became a Mother. Times like these, I hold very close to my heart. I want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember me being the type of Mother that would stop the world for them.
The bills can wait, the laundry can pile up; as long as I take the time to laugh with my kids, I can say I have had a great day.