Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What...? Me....worry?

“Do not be anxious [do not worry] about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
Knowledge is power, in most cases. So, I have been gathering information about Rachel's issues...sometimes, however, when you gather TOO much information, it can send you into a whirlwind of stress and worry.
It's all about choice though. If I look at the whole picture, and take on ALL of this on my own, I will go crazy.
So, I am making a very conscious effort to stay in the moment. Live for today. Spend all of my effort making TODAY a good day. Easier said than done.
My whole life I have been surrounded by such negativity, that I am amazed I can still think for myself. I grew up with a Mother, who was biplolar and had severe depression. The divorce and raising two children did not help. I watched my mother transform, from a vibrant woman whos smile would light up a room...to an anorexic, very angry monster.
I was removed from her care, when I was 10. But the damage was already done. I had already fallen into the trap of misery and blame. Transitioning into a new home, was tough. I remember my step-mother would always ask me...."Why can't you just be happy?" It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized, your attitude was like a habit....and just like habits, some are good, some are bad.
It's been very hard adopting my "good" attitude, and I do fail. But what is important, is that I am aware of my attitude, and when I feel myself losing control....I ask for help. I take a break.
I am breaking the cycle right here and now.
I choose to take my own path and focus on the time I do have with my kids. I don't want to look back on my life, and have a bunch of "I wish I had....." Life is NOW.....I have been so blessed and I want to enjoy it.
My mother is now in her 60's, and has spent 30 + years being angry and negative. I see that as such a waste. Her spirit is broken. It's very sad.

1 comment:

  1. Kristi, I am often AMAZED at your positive attitude! You're doing a good job and I can see God at work in you! Hang in there! Keep pressing in!