Sunday, August 8, 2010
"How can you possibly be positive when you are living with such a horrible condition? I couldn't possibly live with all THOSE bumps!"
I was told this not too long ago, by one of my "friends". "I just don't understand you, and your attitude towards NF." My response was simply this, "When I choose to feel good....I do good, I speak good, and THAT makes me feel even better. I CHOOSE to be okay with Neurofibromatosis, even when it really sucks."
This person will probably never grasp the idea of positive thinking, and while I am sad about that, I cannot focus on how horrible this person's outlook on life is. All I can do, is try to present how it is possible to be wonderfully okay with life.
I grew up around negative people. My mother being the worst of all. Even to this day, all I hear when I speak to her is how bad life is, and how it's everyone Else's fault for her being so miserable.
My mother also lives with Neurofibromatosis. I am sure she hates it, just as much as I do. But I watch in awe how vastly different our lives are. It's almost as if I feel a sudden shift of gravity, every time I am close to her. The weight of her anger and sadness resonates to me, and I begin to act like her. It's scary to me when this happens and pulling away from this is very hard.
This got me thinking recently about who I am hanging around....who are the people in my life that cause this to happen? Why do I continue to be drawn to these people? The answer is simply that I relate with how these people feel. I understand the loneliness, the anger, the frustration in regards to NF.
But here's the big difference, while it's okay to feel these feelings (and I feel them every single day) It's not okay, when those become the only feelings you feel. One must make a very conscience effort to shift those feelings into something productive.
It's not an easy task...I fail all the time. But I never give up. I am not sucked in by Neurofibromatosis. I don't focus my energy on this disorder, instead I find ways to live past it. I try to surround myself with people who will acknowledge me for more than "The woman with the tumors on her face."
It's amazing how I feel when I am around these people. It's almost as if, I don't have NF at all. I feel empowered!
I know that living with Neurofibromatosis scares a lot of people. I deal with that same fear. I can't control NF, but I can control the way I feel about it. Your attitude is in your control.
I choose to live. I choose to THRIVE.