Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Giving it to God

School OFFICIALLY starts for ALL of my kids today.  It's been the longest Summer in the histories of Summers.  (I'm smiling when I write this, but the reality is, I'm not kidding)  I'm sitting here in the waiting room of The Children's Hospital.


I'm scanning the faces of the people in this room with me and wondering what THEIR story is.  Do we have things in common (we have at least ONE thing)....Are these people as disheveled as I am?  Are THEY wondering about me and why I am there?

I LOVE and HATE this place.  The smell is the first thing to hit us as we walk through the doors, as the cafeteria is to the left.  No matter what time of day it is, the smell always makes me hungry....That familiar, over-fried, yummy smelling kind of food.

But, the busy-ness overwhelms me....Everyone always seems in a hurry to get somewhere.....And the 7th floor.  The "oncology floor"...That dreaded ride up the elevator....And the desk where you have to check-in and wear a sticker.  Red if you are healthy....Green if you are not.  

Thankfully, we have only been green once...and we were admitted and put in isolation.

I remember each and every ride up and down that elevator....And how Bailey and I like to push every button as we exit...We laugh because we know that now the elevator has to stop at EVERY SINGLE LEVEL....We haven't done that in a while.  In fact, lately the rides up and down have been pretty quiet.

Today is her 'every-3 month-MRI'...

The drive to the hospital was not your typical one.  Bailey talked to me about her fears....and told me she is scared of what the MRI will tell us....She never does this....She's the type of girl who goes with the flow...And doesn't let things bother her.  Or so I thought.

Today is tense.  During Bailey's eye exam....I found myself just waiting for the Dr. to tell me something was wrong.  A week ago, I went to the same Dr. for Braden's 6 month check, and was slammed with the news that something didn't look right.  "Something" was found in Braden's right eye.  Not a optic glioma...but "something".

We were rushed around with the doctor telling us we needed more tests....dilation, pictures, ultrasound....Then ultimately being told we needed a specialist and MORE tests.

But Bailey's appointment went well.  *WHEW*  We got the "See you in a YEAR" report and went to Rachel's appointment....The girls thought it was cool to use the SKYWALK!  Her exam took less than 1/2 hour...and we got the THUMBS UP for her as well!!

This has me feeling excited...Do good things really come in three's?

We take the SKYWALK back to the main hospital to have lunch in the cafeteria.  The girls and I did a "Ketchup Toast" with french fries and talked about how cute the eye doctor was.  (Don't worry Rich, I'm head-over-heels in love with you)

There's this weird thing about waiting rooms.  It's cold in here and everyone just looks sad.

Whatever the results are from this MRI, will be what they will be.  I am practicing the act of giving it to God....Which is MUCH easier said than done.  Having no control over these medical issues drives me crazy....I want to FIX this, and I can't.

Helpless--Hopeless and feeling bound by Neurofibromatosis.  But even in the midst of THOSE feelings, we THRIVE....Knowing that God's plan for us is being lived out.

I'm not a perfect Christian....I do have doubts and questions.  I am sure the even the most faithful of people have questions and doubts....

But TODAY...RIGHT NOW...I am comforted, in a way that's hard to explain.  Good News, or Bad News, I am confident that God will give the strength that is needed to endure it.

TODAY....Giving it to God is easy...and feels good.


1 comment:

  1. I love your spirit Kristi. Your blog and book have helped in in so many ways. I pray for your family often, especially Bailey. She has a strong spirit - just like her mama!
    Have faith and strong my sweet NF friend!