Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Excuses. Excuses.

I am full of excuses.  This morning, my husband came upstairs after I had dropped the kids off at school, excited about challenging me to a workout based on the cross-fit workout he'd already done at 6 a.m.

But....."I JUST worked out YESTERDAY..."

And....."I have to go to the store....."

And...."I have to put together my moms Birthday gift..."




I'm tired.  I really am.

I have tried to start a blog post for 2 weeks...And I just couldn't come up with anything 'good'....So, I thought I'd just write about what I am REALLY struggling with.

My mind is constantly racing.  Thinking about the zillions things going on.  Most of which I can do nothing about.

Then I have my job.  Where life literally is put on pause.

The movie theater.  I love it and hate it.  When I am working 7/8 ish hours a day--the outside world doesn't really exist.  It's THERE waiting for me....But it's like I get sucked into an alternate reality.  A reality filled with lazy kids who haven't learned how to work yet, over-spenders, complainers....

Do you ever pay attention to how much YOU complain?   How many negative comments do YOU make in a day?  Seriously....You should keep track.  

My own list is a long one, so I am NOT throwing stones here.

So, when I step out of the theater...BACK into reality....It's like I get SLAMMED -- HEAD-ON with ALL-THOSE-THINGS-THAT-WERE-WAITING-FOR-ME!

No break.  No time to shift.  No time to breathe.

Brain tumors....Back pain...Headaches----The worry about what the next MRI is going to tell us about Rachel. or Bailey. or Braden. or even ME.

Chores...Dinner...Laundry...The ENDLESS cleaning....and even though I have six kids all perfectly capable of pitching in, they can't do it the way I would do it, so even if I was a good delegator, which I'm not, I'd still want to do it all myself.
Wondering, despite my husband's assurances that all will be fine (and it always is) when the 'JUST-SQUEAKING-BY' lifestyle will change.

There are some days.....I fell like I can juggle everything, perfectly.  All the balls are in the air, almost floating on their own. Days...when I believe, that everything is going to be okay.

Then, there are those days, when I wonder how I am going to make it through.  

I am human.  There are days I shake my fist at God. I hear he's OK with that. I cry -- overcome with guilt...wondering in a fit of despair why I 'DID THIS TO MY KIDS'. I trip over the hurdles of life, just like everyone else does. I forget how good life is.

But....THRIVING allows for weakness, for struggle, for anger. As my husband tells me Muhammed Ali would say 'it's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get up' - or something like that.  I get back up.  Staying "down" isn't an option - for me, for my kids. Because life IS good, when I focus on the good in the life. The hugs from my kids. Their drawings. Watching my son play basketball. Taking advantage of working at the theatre, even, and taking the family to a movie, or sitting down with them to watch Once Upon a Time or Master Chef.  

I SMILE AT THE COMPLAINERS...Set an example for the lazy kid workers....And as for the over-spenders...? Well...that's THEIR problem, not mine.

Life isn't always perfect. Well, it's never perfect. But I can always THRIVE - whether I'm Thriving in weakness or strength.

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