BUT....I woke up sick. I logged into my email and the first thing I see, is a comment on one of my posts, from none other than ANONYMOUS. It's been a LONG time, since 'anonymous' has left any comments for me....Here's what they had to say today. "The fact that you can willingly and knowingly pass your disease down to six children is sickening. You are the true definition of Selfish."
Thank you very much ANONYMOUS, for again waking me up out of my writers block. The first word that came to my mind after reading this comment was resentment. It's a very powerful word...And it got me thinking.
Do I resent my mother for choosing to have me...?
Do MY children resent me?
When I was about 8 years old...I began having these headaches. I was so scared that they were like my brothers headaches. THOSE headaches brought my brother to the hospital. THOSE headaches caused my mom and dad to fight. THOSE headaches were caused by something I couldn't possibly understand being that young.
So, I kept quiet about them. I was lucky. Most of my NF symptoms were not noticeable. OK...So, maybe "Lucky" isn't the right word to use...Because my symptoms WERE noticeable. To those actually trained to see them, that is. I grew up, believing that I didn't have NF. My parents, even doctors telling me that my older brother was the only one in our family who DID have it.
I witnessed the guilt - it filled my mother when SHE realized that SHE was the one who "gave" my brother this horrific 'disease'. She couldn't cope. The complications that my brother faced, tore our family apart.
But - MY NF...Didn't exist. Even though, it did.
After being OFFICIALLY diagnosed with NF after my last baby was born - well, it was too late. That was going to be our last baby anyway, and the only thing to do was to move forward, get everyone checked out, and live on. It was out of all of this that Thrivng with Neurofibromatosis was born - because that was all I had available to me, and my family.
So - Anonymous - if you actually read my blog, you'd already know this. But hey, hide behind your keyboard and feel good about slamming me, if that's what makes you THRIVE.
As for me - IF my children end up resenting me...I will deal with that. But RIGHT NOW....We are a family that has grown together....We are happy....We are THRIVING! I should not have to defend my choices...Or make excuses for what I do. I am proud of myself. I am doing my best to raise my children to be proud of who they are and what they do. If you have a problem with THAT....Let's talk. And anonymous....Let go of some of that anger. THRIVE ON!