Everytime I 'Turn Around, Tuesday'

Ahhh, the sweet joys of parenting. There never ever seems to be a dull moment in our home. Whether it's the Swine Flu, Pink Eye, breaks, bruises, bloody noses, bonks on the head, or in our most recent ordeal, a sprained ankle, something is always happening here at home.

(You Facebookers know what I'm talking about, if you follow my status updates...LOL)

Bailey, decided she "needed" more attention, and went and fell down at church on Sunday. Well...It was more than a fall, it was more like a **Bonk**Slip**tumble**twist**Splat!

That seems the best way to get Mommy's FULL on Attention. :)

(If they only knew)

Poor Bailey couldn't get up to walk down the stairs, so I had her slumped over my shoulder, basically carrying her the whole way.

My initial reaction was that Bailey was REALLY over dramatizing this whole thing, and just needed some time to cool off and hang with me. But when that didn't work...I knew something was up.

Xrays would show no break in her bones, but upon examination, it was clear that she had pulled and possibly tore some tendons in her foot and ankle.

Luckily....*TADA* I pulled out the crutches from my own broken foot back in Feb 2008, and proudly handed them down to Bailey (awwwww like mother like daughter)

With a family THIS large, there is no time to rest. I am constantly on my guard for the next thing to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to pieces and would much rather be busy doing this stuff, then doing nothing at all. But sometimes I wonder when all the craziness will stop. When will all this "bad stuff" end?

Stuff happens, life happens...and the truth is, the "bad stuff" will never end. But we can add a bunch of GOOD STUFF to the bad stuff, to make it more bearable, right?

I dedicate this set of clips, courtesy of America's Funniest Video's, to my daughter Bailey! I love you more than life itself. You know when to take a bad thing, and turn it into something good.

Motivational Monday

No More Hiding

I had a good friend of mine tell me that they had no idea our family had the NF diagnoses...she felt bad because she thought she was living in some bubble, or just not paying attention. Neither are true...She didn't know because I was doing my job in hiding it. I felt I was succeeding, because those around me, couldn't see it.

Even Drs. couldn't see it, or recognize it. I had gone through countless physicals, and 5 pregnancies before NF would ever be brought up. I had the bumps, but somehow, the NF got overlooked, and I was really happy about that. It was like I'd hold my breath and just wait, then let out a sigh of relief, when I'd make through yet another appointment.

I hated “hiding” my NF, but I felt that if I was fooling others, especially doctors, maybe I could fool myself. It turns out, that's the only person, I was really truly fooling.

But it caught up with me...In a huge way. One doctor would recognize Neurofibromatosis on my body, then shame me for bringing children into the world. I laid there exposed as the doctor ran the doppler over my 38 wk pregnant belly. “This looks like Neurofibromatosis” she said. When she saw the bumps. I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear that word, directed at me, but I had no where to run. No covers to hide under. The doctors next words would crush me. “Well, it's too late to do anything about this now...You're 38 wks pregnant.” I knew exactly where she was going with this. I just closed my eyes, and told her about my 5 happy and healthy children at home, and that I expected no different outcome from this pregnancy.

But as I left the doctors office that day, a crushing realization hit me so hard, I could barely drive home. Shaking and crying, I began realizing that I had hid for 33 yrs. In some way or another, part of me died during that ride home....but another part of me became alive.

I was scared to accept my reality, but this was the time to do it. No more running, no more hiding. I had brought real people into this world, who needed a voice. Two of my children already had the earmarkings for a diagnoses (cafe au laits and freckling under the arms and around the neck) but I didn't take them into be “officially” diagnosed by a geneticist.

After Brooklyn was born, I examined her immediately. I know that with my other children, NF wouldn't show itself until a few weeks after their birth, but each day, I would get my baby undressed and scan every inch of her.

She doesn't have NF, and I thank God everyday for that. But two, now possibly 3 of my children do. And I have to work hard, so that THEY never feel like they have to run and hide and feel ashamed. I teach them to love who they are, and not to be defined but what they have.

In truth, I was hiding NF from me more than anyone else. If nobody could see it, if it wasn't showing up on the outside, maybe it didn't really exist on the inside. Even after 'outing' myself, my friend is still my friend, and I've found many, many more friends since accepting, embracing, and choosing to Thrive with NF. I've also reconnected with my best friend, one who I spent years never trusting with the truth: Myself.

Happy Thanksgiving

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving!

50 MORE things for ME to be THANKFUL for

*Being able to walk into ANY church and worship

*Children's honest, sometimes too honest words

*Teachers

*Compassion

*NIH and Dr Stewart and Sarah Coombes

*Mini Vans

*Bear Hugs

*Dreaming

*"This lil' Piggie'

*Daisy's

*Squirt guns

*My Camera

*Opportunities

*Pain medication

*Cable TV

*People who really know how to listen

*Individuality

*Forgiveness

*Music

*Throwing off my Inhibition

*THRIVING

*Anticipation of Christmas

*boxes of chocolates

*Mended Friendships

*Suprizes

*Laughter

*Creativity

*E-mail

*endless possibilities

*Old People

*Seeing the value in something

*Museums, that hold precious art

*Being able to laugh and cry at the same time

*flannel sheets

*home-made Choc chip cookies

*Fresh starts

*I am loved

*I am supported

*I got to meet MANY famous people

*INCLUDING ERIC ESTRADA

*and TED MCKINLEY

*Having Neurofibromatosis has opened doors for me

*I am getting done with my book

*Finding a Dream

*BBQ'ing

*Drawing

*A good book

*The noise level of the house, even though it drives me crazy--one day I will miss it.

*My hubby who enables me some "quiet time" to think

*Being able to write freely

I'm sure I have 100 more things I am Thankful for, but for now I am just Thankful to be here....to be me. To be a Wife, and a Mother. I am beyond blessed.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Don't Turn Around Tuesday!

Last night, hubby and I went to see 2012! It was a very much needed "surprise", last minute date. I knew going into this movie that we weren't going for some deeply emotional drama, so I was excited.

John Cusack rates number 5 on my all time favorite list....and as hokey, unrealistic, improbable, and poorly acted (outside of my sweetie, John) as it was, I really did enjoy the movie!

It also gave me the inspiration for today's "Don't Turnaround Tuesday"!

Throughout the film, Scif-Fi writer Jackson Curtis (Cusack) and his family were running, driving, flying, and swimming towards safety. We watched the earth crumble just millimeters behind each step they took, runways collapsing underneath their planes (yes, there were two treacherous plane trips in this 2 hour and 45 minute roller coaster ride), and fireballs just miss crushing our favorite characters as they perilously but persistently made their journey to the safety of the 'arks' waiting in China.

Disaster movies teach us one universal truth about life: When the world is exploding around you, the last thing you want to do is turn around! Glancing back into the destruction, lamenting what you've lost, fearing what may destroy you is a sure-fire strategy to die early.

It's easy to sit and watch our lives fall down in flames around us. To focus on the hopelessness of it all. To even find honor in facing the failure and allowing ourselves to succumb to it, in an emotionally martyristic-like fashion.

The more difficult road is to fight, to keep our eyes on living, even in the face of certain defeat, certain death. To spend every last ounce of our physical and mental energy moving forward, to save ourselves, and those closest to us.

Yeah, Neurofibromatosis sucks. But this Turnaround Tuesday, I'm not going to turnaround. I'm going to keep my eyes firmly fixed to my salvation ahead. How 'bout you?

Motivational Monday

Ruffling Feathers

I have always cared about what people thought about about me. So much so, that I have actually changed the course of my life, several times. Unbelievable? Yeah. I was so afraid to offend, so afraid to hurt feelings that I would never speak my mind about anything I believed in.

I used to fear conflict and criticism so much, that I would run the other direction, when confronted with a choice. I don't love conflict now, but somehow since my new found 'Thriving with Neurofibromatosis', I am less afraid of it. I have found a new sense of bravery, that makes less afraid to ruffle some feathers.

Unpopular choices sometimes have to be made. Whether they hurt feelings or not. I worry less now about being judged for them. It's much easier when you have something to believe in, especially when you are fighting for your life, or your children's lives.

In order for me to do right by my family, flying under the radar wasn't going to happen anymore. I had done that my entire life and it had gotten me no where. Criticism is a part of life, and me being out here on the internet "THRIVING", I risk criticism of others, and actually that would be true if I was on-line or not.

What do you believe in? Are you letting what others think of you control the way you live your life? It has taken me a long time to find my voice, but as I found it...I became a stronger advocate for my kids and a more compassionate person, who is accepting of others and the choices THEY make.

Neurofibromatosis, has made me stronger, not weaker. It has firmed up my back bone so much so, that it will never- ever be walked on again! With each passing month I grow stronger, and less afraid of the ruffled feathers.