Sunday, July 11, 2010

Anxiety and Depression

I rarely blog about anxiety and depression, not because I don't experience it, (because I do) but because it can be really hard to talk about.

Growing up, I knew my mother was depressed. She'd even tell me...."Leave me alone, I'm depressed!" I knew when to walk the other direction and when it was "safe" to be close. (which was a rare thing)

My mother does not acknowledge her Neurofibromatosis, nor did she ever have me tested, even though I had all the ear markers for the diagnoses. It stresses her out to talk about it, so she avoids it.

I learned from both my parents, to avoid talking about what is bothering me to the point of shutting pretty much everyone out. I build a wall of protection around me, so that I won't have to deal with what bothers me, while inside, I am screaming for help.

Depression can be a scary thing, if not acknowledged and treated properly. I've gone years and years denying the fact thatI had issues with this. Claiming that I was the 'tough one' and could handle anything. Boy was I wrong.

After my diagnoses with 'NF', it was like someone opened the flood gates, and I had no other choice, but to face all the pain head on. However even though I kind of knew what to expect, I could never prepare myself, for all that NF was going to throw at me.

There was so much more that NF brought with it, that I now had to deal with. I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to crawl back into my shell and hide....afterall, my mom was doing and she seemed to be getting by okay. (yeah right)

Neurofibromatosis and depression, go hand in hand. There is countless literature backing up that those with Neurological disorders, also suffer from bouts of depression....But there is NOT much information on treatment for it.

MY mother is now in her 60's. Still depressed. Still angry. Told things like "You need a hobby, to help with your depression." Some treatement, eh? May work for some, but for those who are truly suffering from deep anxiety / depression, this won't even begin to touch the problem.

So how does it work? How does one overcome this? For ME...I have stopped justifying my depression as a natural side effect of NF , and chosen ways to THRIVE instead. Thriving doesn't mean ignoring the problem, but it DOES mean focusing not on the problem, but on the solution.

NF creates problems of all sorts. Heck, LIFE creates problems of all sorts, including depression of varying levels. What are YOU focusing on today?

Hmmm I wonder which one I'm choosing today?


  1. Very nice Kristi. Choosing to focus on the solutilon is the way to go.

  2. Hi, just found your blog by searching for depression and neurofibromatosis. I have had NF since birth. Everyone on my mom's side has had it. It ate away at my vertebrae and caused my spine to collapse. I'll be following your blog now! It's nice to connect with other people who have NF.

  3. I'm an 18 year old girl, from england, and was diagnosed with NF (type 1) at around 2.. until my mum told me I had it at about 13 years old, i never gave it a second thought, but these last few years, particulary the last 18 months I have found myself getting more and more down about my condition.. presently im not a serious case, but with NF been so unpredictable, im so terrified about ending up with plexiform fibromas all over my body, i worry no one will ever want to be with me, and i literally just think if i get to a stage where im covered in them, i wont want to live.. i hate sounding so self-pittying, but i dont know what to do or who to talk to, im very much my own person, and prefer to listen to other peoples problems and help them, rather than dump all this crap onto anyone else.. i dont really want to speak to a psychologist... i just find opening up about this way to overwhelming, I have ADHD which i was diagnosed with at 14, which i am on medication for, but i think it was too little too late, i feel i have messed school up, and there is no hope at all for me.. i dont know if i have depression, im happy when im out of the house, but as soon as im in my room, i just feel completely alone and helpless

    1. Hello there

      I just thought Id like to reply to you. Firstly may i say you are not sounding Self-Pitying and it is good to talk about this.

      I have got quite a few NF Bumps over my body. 99% of people understand what they are when explained to them.

      Like all walks of life there is that 1% whoa are arseholes and will poke fun. Just tell them where to go.

      My mother had hundreds & hundreds of the bumps and I was forever getting into altercations shall we say when sticking up for her. I miss my mum like crazy but she lived life to the full and Im sure you CAN DO the same.

      Feel free if yo uwish to reply here and/or e-mail me at the following: