Growing up, I knew my mother was depressed. She'd even tell me...."Leave me alone, I'm depressed!" I knew when to walk the other direction and when it was "safe" to be close. (which was a rare thing)
My mother does not acknowledge her Neurofibromatosis, nor did she ever have me tested, even though I had all the ear markers for the diagnoses. It stresses her out to talk about it, so she avoids it.
I learned from both my parents, to avoid talking about what is bothering me to the point of shutting pretty much everyone out. I build a wall of protection around me, so that I won't have to deal with what bothers me, while inside, I am screaming for help.
Depression can be a scary thing, if not acknowledged and treated properly. I've gone years and years denying the fact thatI had issues with this. Claiming that I was the 'tough one' and could handle anything. Boy was I wrong.
After my diagnoses with 'NF', it was like someone opened the flood gates, and I had no other choice, but to face all the pain head on. However even though I kind of knew what to expect, I could never prepare myself, for all that NF was going to throw at me.
There was so much more that NF brought with it, that I now had to deal with. I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to crawl back into my shell and hide....afterall, my mom was doing and she seemed to be getting by okay. (yeah right)
Neurofibromatosis and depression, go hand in hand. There is countless literature backing up that those with Neurological disorders, also suffer from bouts of depression....But there is NOT much information on treatment for it.
MY mother is now in her 60's. Still depressed. Still angry. Told things like "You need a hobby, to help with your depression." Some treatement, eh? May work for some, but for those who are truly suffering from deep anxiety / depression, this won't even begin to touch the problem.
So how does it work? How does one overcome this? For ME...I have stopped justifying my depression as a natural side effect of NF , and chosen ways to THRIVE instead. Thriving doesn't mean ignoring the problem, but it DOES mean focusing not on the problem, but on the solution.
NF creates problems of all sorts. Heck, LIFE creates problems of all sorts, including depression of varying levels. What are YOU focusing on today?
CHOOSE TO HIDE....or CHOOSE TO THRIVE.
Hmmm I wonder which one I'm choosing today?