Today is the 2nd treatment of this new chemotherapy. So far, I don't like what it does to my daughter. The side affects with this new stuff are definitely more severe. Does that mean it's doing its job?
Could more side affects mean that the Astrocytoma is shrinking?
I worry about Bailey constantly. Every time she says she has a headache, or skips a meal, or wants to just stay in bed all day. I worry when she comes to me with another clump of hair, that has fallen out. My mind is whirling, wondering if I am doing everything I SHOULD be doing.
I can't help feeling incredibly helpless. What more can I do? I have spent the last few years fighting for MRI's and other treatments....Do I push for something MORE than just chemo?
What if this tumor grows through THIS treatment, like it did the last?
I could spend my whole life worrying and wondering.....OR, I could just focus on today...trusting that we ARE doing everything we need to do.
I'll focus on how Bailey looks forward to our "chemo slushy dates", and how all Bailey really wants to do after chemo, is swim in our pool.
I'll take the smiles as they come, and help her through the times where all she wants to do is lay on the couch.
I will trust that we ARE doing everything we need to be doing....And believe that THIS treatment will work!