You'd think we'd be celebrating. Going OFF chemo is typically one of those things where we leave the hospital excited. Hopeful even. But I have a hard time feeling anything but fear. Now don't get me wrong...I believe we are doing the right thing...But our "safety net" has been pulled from us.
Bailey has now been officially OFF chemo for 2 weeks. The color is back in her face, she has more energy and the bottle of Zofran hasn't been touched. Good news for Bailey came Friday, when the doctor came into the exam room and read the MRI results.
STABLE!
I never thought I could love a word so much.
Stable means that we can breathe for the the next 3 months.
Sort of.
This is the first time, since both tumors were discovered that we won't be on chemotherapy.
My "friend" FEAR, is back.
She comes around every now and then, and I have to remind myself, that I am the in control. I have the ability to release the choke-hold it has on me. I can tell FEAR to "take a hike!" But sometimes this isn't easy....I get scared all the time. Sometimes FEAR wins. Especially when it comes to the health of my children.
Even while fearful...Of "What if's"....We aren't sitting around letting it swallow us.
We are USEFUL in our FEAR!
We THRIVE in Spite of FEAR!
THRIVE ON!
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR FAMILY!
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