Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I'm not paranoid...It's just everyone is out to get me!

I'm used to being stared at. People look at me because I am carrying a 6-pack of kids, wondering how (or why) I do it. Or sometimes I get people looking at me wondering about my disorder.

Yesterday, I took two of my children out to run some errands, stopping at the Doctors, the bank, then Wal-mart.

I definitely have days where my NF seems more noticeable then other days( probably more to ME than to others)...and it seemed this was the case yesterday.

I had a nurse behind the counter at the doctors office look at me, snicker, then look away. I am very sensitive to this and I KNEW what they were looking at. I fixed my hair over the tumor on my eye brow and shifted my eyes to the ground. I finished my business, frustrated and wondering how and why people could act this way.

Our next stop was the bank where I made some deposits. We decided to walk into the lobby, instead of using the drive-up, since the kids needed to use the potty. I walked up to the teller and she looks at me and gives me this unpleasant, pity look, avoiding my eyes. "What the HECK?" I think to myself. She must see the tumors too. "I'm a freak!" My pulse was raising at the ignorance of these people. I just wanted to get my errands done and get home!

One more stop and I COULD get home. Wal-mart. I needed to stop and pick-up my contacts, so I went right in the vision center and sat down with a very nice lady to get my new contacts. She says to me, "Honey....Do you know you have paint or marker on your face?"

I looked in the mirror and saw a big purple streak running up the left side of my nose up to my forehead! Yeah. Nice. Seems the marker fun I had with Brooklyn that morning carried over that whole day.

I spend so much time worrying about what others think of me...I wish I would learn to just chill out and not worry so much.

So that's my Wacky Wednesday Story....I can look back now and laugh....I'm kinda wondering why my 5 yr old didn't point out that mommy had purple on her face....but maybe to him, that's normal....which is kinda cool!



  1. I felt bad for how I automatically assumed the worst in others. I felt ashamed that IF in fact they were looking at my tumors, that I couldn't just hold my head up and just stand up proud.
    It shows that I still have so much growing to do...But I am trying. :)

  2. that's funny! But if I were the teller I'd at least have the decency to tactfully tell you that you have marker on your face (about 1,000 times less embarrassing than broccoli in your teeth!)