Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Time For Change

 I love Fall. The colors, the smells, and MMMMMM the tastes! Fall is filled with changes. The old shedding, so that new can grow. 

Before my diagnosis with Neurofibromatosis, I existed in a life of survival.  I couldn't grasp the meaning of hope or Thriving.  

I have been to the deep, dark, airless places of adversity that have sapped every ounce of energy and hope from me.  Times when survival is my only option.

But what happens after survival?  How do we change and turn the attention to theThriving end of the balance?  How do we find hope, in a seemingly hopeless situation?

We all live our busy lives.  Filled with "go here", "do this" ....I know for me, when life seems to be going smoothly, it's easy to Thrive, to find hope.  But it doesn't always take much to throw me off this path.

News of a new brain tumor earlier this year filled me with despair for my 14 year old daughter.  Wondering what life will hold for her future.  Revelations from the Ophthalmologist that my 7 year old daughters vision is getting worse and to prepare for her to have major loss by the time she is 20.

It's so easy for hope to be smashed, dreams to be crushed....and for THRIVING to go right our the window.

The thing I try to remember is that I am much bigger, than anything or any struggle that comes into my life.  I am much more than just an endurer of problems. 

I had to be willing to open myself to a change.  Be willing to accept, that I didn't have to control everything in my life....and trying to control, would only find me getting further and further from where I wanted to be.

What a concept!  Letting go actually gave me more control? Absolutely! Accepting what is, does not mean that I have given up control to do something about it, just given up wasting energy on anger over its existence.  In fact, doing this has given me the opportunity to do the opposite, and gain control over how its existence will be tolerated.

It's easier for me to learn, teach and give back, now that I have chosen to embrace and accept what is happening in my life.  Opening myself up to change, helps me so much in being who I have always wanted to be.

I had to shed the old Kristi, to become the NEW Kristi. It's not easy, but we can endure the losses like the falling leaves of Autumn, we brace ourselves through the icy cold of Winter, because we know the warm, green-tinted life of Spring will come - and we will again be able to Thrive.

Thrive On!

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