This week we re-start chemotherapy. A three week break was nice. The Vinblastine, although lower in dosage then the last treatment, has a harsh affect on Bailey's body. She has lost about 15 pounds, and also lost a considerable amount of hair. She has mouth sores, and body aches. Her skin is blotchy and pale.
I think these side affects bother ME, more than they bother Bailey. I see my daughter transforming, it's scary. But, she seems almost unaware of all that is happening...All that could happen. Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know.
The whole world of chemotherapy, is a strange one. Anyone who has experienced any part of this world, knows what I'm talking about.
It's like the moment you walk into the hospital and ride up the elevators, everything "normal" stops. Your world morphs into something unrecognizable.
Life becomes all about numbers, and needles. Good days and bad days. High fevers and hospital stays.
Dealing with all this "stuff" is hard for even the strongest spirit. Sometimes, I silently ask God what the point of all of this is. Why Bailey? Why now? And when will we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel?
It seems like ever since 'Thriving with Neurofibromatosis' began...The whole basis behind it gets tested, over and over and over. How can I keep up? How can I keep my focus that the "light at the end of the tunnel", lives inside each one of my kids?
I guess the answer is to just simply do it....and as always THRIVE ON!
Without you and your attiutde, I would still be hiding and afraid. I wish I had a mom like you, becasue mine was mean and hide NF from me my entire life. I look up to u and am inspired very much by you. MUCH LOVE TO U and YOUR FAMILY
ReplyDelete