"Run Forrest RUN!"
I WAS running. In fact this was my 2nd attempt to run a 1/2 mile. I was determined to beat my previous time and was on course! I was focused. My feet hitting the ground in a steady, pounding pace.
My daughter was by my side, encouraging me to "keep going"....and my husband was in the car playing a Bonnie Tyler song that was about fighting for what you want.
I was half-way through my run, when I heard some people behind the fence yell and laugh at me...."Run Forrest RUN!" And just like THAT, I was deflated. That FAT - TORTURED 8th grade me, who I thought I had let go of was back.
My pace slowed and my body just gave up.
I was crushed and angry! WHY!? Why would I AGAIN allow people on the OUTSIDE affect all the changes I have working so hard on, on my INSIDE. The person I have been becoming has taken so much work....I have had to shut so many doors, with those demons inside that have hurt and controlled me.
It made me realize, that I still have a LONG way to go. 100 pounds GONE from my body, but, In a lot of ways, that tortured 8th grade girl still lives inside me. Aching and longing to be healed.
When I got home, still huffing and puffing from my run...The defeat I felt was overwhelming. One stupid comment from someone -And there I was crying, like I did everyday during my walks home from junior high.
All these changes I have been making, that were transforming my body, I realized were doing NOTHING to my insides. I have been working so hard - I have been so focused on being an overweight woman, and I thought the outside changes, would automatically change me inside....I was wrong. Very Wrong.
Even writing this blog post, shows me that I continue to be a work in progress. Everyday, every hour, every minute- I am working on myself.
Forrest Gump RAN. He RAN and RAN and broke free from his braces. BRACES that held him back! And once he was free....He was STRONGER and BETTER!
So....Go ahead and YELL at me. I am learning that those mean - nasty comments, will only continue to make me stronger.