Sometimes, the things you fear the most, can lead you to the greatest successes.
I get fearful all the time. With a disorder like Neurofibromatosis, your future (health wise) is so variable. I see pictures of people in their 50's-60's with NF and wonder if my fate is sealed. Will I still be able to "Thrive", when my body is consumed with tumors? One thing I have learned about fear; if you don't push through it, you will never overcome it.
Yesterday, I met with my Neurologist, to talk about the MRI and visual field test, that I had last week. Getting ready for the visit, I felt a fear inside me, that made me want to cancel the appointment. I was scared that I was going to get some life changing results.
I went, pushed the fear away, and sat as I listened to Dr. Rojas tell me that my MRI actually looked BETTER than the one I had in May '09. The enlarged ventricles were smaller, the brain tumor had not changed in size and there were no tumors on or around the Optic pathways. GOOD NEWS! My fears settled and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I really needed some good news. Life has been taking us on quite an obstacle course with all of the medical stuff going on. I had been feeling very overwhelmed with having so many doctors appointments, and exhausted and frustrated from not getting any answers....THIS was a good day!
I asked about my visual field test, but the Dr. had not received the results. Dr. Rojas promised she would call me, if the results of that, showed anything to be concerned about. I know there is SOMETHING going on with my vision....but it's not clear on what. (no pun intended)
I felt good when I left the doctors office. I was given an increased prescription for Topomax and was told to keep taking Lazic and Potassium.
We are giving this another 12 wks, before considering a shunt.
So my Turn Around is simply this -- Don't be afraid of your fears. That may sound cliche', but if you let your fears control you, you lose out on some pretty awesome things. The fears you have, show you that you are alive. Try to turn those fears into the energy that pushes you forward.