Turn it around Tuesday

I didn't grow up religious, in fact I grew up believing God was nothing but a mean monster, who punishes those who don't obey him. My mother would constantly curse Him, and tell me that Mikey's problems were all God's fault.

That wasn't the picture my Aunt had of God. Her house was decorated in crosses and pictures of Jesus. I remember this one picture...It was of Jesus coming out of the clouds, holding out His arms. I used to stare at this picture and remember feeling so confused. He didn't look like a monster....

I told my mom one day, that Jesus was my friend (something I probably picked up during one of my stays with my Aunt) "Why would you want Jesus as a friend", my mom replied. "He made your brother sick". I cried and ran away.

I was 6 yrs old and remember it like it was yesterday. My very first prayer. "Dear God, please be my mommy's friend, and show her you are a nice man. Amen."

Sadly, my mother has never truly been friends with God. She won't listen to talk about the NF being just something in life to deal with. She has lived a very hard life...and will probably never accept God into her heart. It makes me so sad, that she carries this guilt and anger around with her.

When I was diagnosed with NF, then two of my children, my mom fell deeper into her cycle of guilt, blame and anger. Her eyes dark and cold...so distant. I told her that I would never believe this was a curse. I was happy with my life, and my kids having NF, was not God's punishment.

I knew my words were bouncing off her, she had already made up her mind years before. I was determined from that moment on.....to THRIVE. To 'turn-it-around'. Never using God as an outlet for blame.

The cool thing about God...is that He will always be there...waiting for my mom, to let everything go. To open herself up, to something amazing. Maybe one day she will do this. Until then, I pray, "Dear God, please be my mommy's friend, and let her know you are a nice man. Amen"