A Time For Change

 I love Fall. The colors, the smells, and MMMMMM the tastes! Fall is filled with changes. The old shedding, so that new can grow. 

Before my diagnosis with Neurofibromatosis, I existed in a life of survival.  I couldn't grasp the meaning of hope or Thriving.  

I have been to the deep, dark, airless places of adversity that have sapped every ounce of energy and hope from me.  Times when survival is my only option.

But what happens after survival?  How do we change and turn the attention to theThriving end of the balance?  How do we find hope, in a seemingly hopeless situation?

We all live our busy lives.  Filled with "go here", "do this" ....I know for me, when life seems to be going smoothly, it's easy to Thrive, to find hope.  But it doesn't always take much to throw me off this path.

News of a new brain tumor earlier this year filled me with despair for my 14 year old daughter.  Wondering what life will hold for her future.  Revelations from the Ophthalmologist that my 7 year old daughters vision is getting worse and to prepare for her to have major loss by the time she is 20.

It's so easy for hope to be smashed, dreams to be crushed....and for THRIVING to go right our the window.

The thing I try to remember is that I am much bigger, than anything or any struggle that comes into my life.  I am much more than just an endurer of problems. 

I had to be willing to open myself to a change.  Be willing to accept, that I didn't have to control everything in my life....and trying to control, would only find me getting further and further from where I wanted to be.

What a concept!  Letting go actually gave me more control? Absolutely! Accepting what is, does not mean that I have given up control to do something about it, just given up wasting energy on anger over its existence.  In fact, doing this has given me the opportunity to do the opposite, and gain control over how its existence will be tolerated.

It's easier for me to learn, teach and give back, now that I have chosen to embrace and accept what is happening in my life.  Opening myself up to change, helps me so much in being who I have always wanted to be.

I had to shed the old Kristi, to become the NEW Kristi. It's not easy, but we can endure the losses like the falling leaves of Autumn, we brace ourselves through the icy cold of Winter, because we know the warm, green-tinted life of Spring will come - and we will again be able to Thrive.

Thrive On!

Fear- Thriving with Neurofibromatosis

When I was officially diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis in 2007 the world became a very dark and scary place.

Fear lives in the darkness, because the darkness hides our next steps from us, and demands that we move forward without security - are we moving on safe ground, tripping over a large tree root, or falling into a bottomless quicksand? It can lead us to simply stand there alone - without friends, without hope for ever seeing the light.

How do we escape? By calling out to each other - following the voices of one another back into the light of support, awareness, and education. By being willing to be heard, and hear others.

Fear cannot survive the light. The more information we expose ourselves too, about our conditions, about our options, about our next moves, the brighter our world becomes. For me, this is at the heart of Thriving. The more I reach out, the more of you I meet and interact with, the more encouraged I get. The more information I find and share, the more of you I hope to share my light with.

When we put all of our lights together, fear will have nowhere left to live. That's a world I can't wait to see.

Thrive on.

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Sensory Processing Disorder

Even when Rachel was a newborn, I knew there was something different about her. She came out of me, totally silent. She looked around the room taking everything in.

The Nurse to get her to cry by rubbing and flicking her feet, s triedbut she just laid there.

When I brought Rachel home from the hospital, she never left my side. When she did, she erupted in uncontrollable crying.

I mentioned to Rachel's doctors at every visit that she was a very "clingy" baby and was only content when I would hold her and nurse her.

It was suggested by the doctor that we get Rachel a "binky", so she could learn to sooth herself, and give me a little break. She became very attached to the binky, not giving it up until she was 3 yrs old.

The binky did help, but as Rachel began crawling then eventually walking, the "fussiness" became more like tantrums. Rachel didn't walk on her own until she was almost 2 yrs old, the "fits" she had, I admit had her in my arms for most of the first 2 yrs of her life.

While I knew it wasn't helping Rachel to be constantly holding her...It seemed the only way, to have a relaxed baby. The whole "let her cry it out" thing, just wasn't something I was about to do with her.

As Rachel grew into a toddler and preschool age the attachment to me got less and less. She would go off on her own to play, but as soon as someone other than me, got into her space, she would scream and cry.

Smells and loud noises also triggered Rachel to throw tantrums. She would gag with smells and cover her ears with noises like cars or the tv. She didn't like tags or "scratchy" clothing. All of the doctors reassured me that we just had a sensitive child, and just needed to be patient...she would surely outgrow this.

A recent round of tests, prompted by Rachel's constant complaints of leg pain, led into a direction, where all of the lights just seemed to go on. Xrays of Rachel's leg showed bowing and "inflammation". Neurospych evaluations began to show a bi-polar/ADHD/ sensory issues.

Fitting the puzzle pieces together, finally gave us a diagnoses of Sensory Integration Disorder. It explained so much of what we were experiencing with Rachel. While I was happy to have the diagnoses I still refuse to slap a label on her. While labels can help us understand the problem, they can also limited the possibilities of a solution.

Check out this list for signs for SID. If you feel your child fits this diagnoses, please notify your child's doctor. This blog is NOT meant to give a diagnoses...just information.

Thriving with Neurofibromatosis....or whatever!

With so much going on with our family medically, it's very easy to get overwhelmed. The challenging things that the entire family faces is difficult to manage. I have found that oftentimes I just want to run and hide from these things.

Yet having an optimistic attitude and emitting positive energy is required in order to attract and create better life circumstances. I believe in the power of attraction. I believe in how you think having a 100% affect in the outcome.

I wasn't always like this though. Frankly, I might be the least likely person in the world to believe in any of this positive attitude stuff.

My dad used to force feed me 'Positive Thinking' books - 
I still remember him giving me the book "The Be Happy Attitudes" by Robert Schuller. I looked at it, read a little of it, and starting thinking, all right. I was thinking, "Gee, if this stuff works, why is my Dad the way he is? Why didn't my parents stay together? Why aren't we rich? It's easy for this guy to have a positive attitude - he's RICH! If I were rich I'd have a positive attitude too. Sheesh!"

Years later, my husband started getting into Anthony Robbins, and tried to get me on board with the ideas in "Awaken the Giant". Great... the guy with big teeth. What a farce. Another rich guy telling us how to live. It certainly wasn't going to help us. For years Rich has tried to get me on board with 'positive thinking', and for years, I resisted.

It wasn't until I realized my attitude about NF was paralleling my mother's attitude that I began to transform....that I began to choose to Thrive. Notice I didn't say 'began to Thrive', I said 'began to CHOOSE to Thrive'. That's what it is - a choice. Every morning, every minute. Through every roadblock. Through every victory. Through every ordinary NF filled day.
Here's the deal - I could see that having a negative attitude was working. Life sucked. I was depressed. Life seemed to get worse every day. If negative thinking works, why not positive thinking? Negative attitudes lead to negative actions. Positive attitudes should then, by definition, lead to positive action. Negative action leads to negative results. So positive action should lead to...you got it...positive results.

I still struggle a bit with being positive. Even changing my language - instead of struggle, I should say strive to have a positive attitude. It's a minute by minute thing. I'm working through a program now called "The Secret Abundance Files" - something I never would have imagined doing in the past.

Changing the way you think is the key to changing the way you live. It is as hard or as easy as you choose to make it. You can choose to hide from the daily medical issues, from your attitude, even from the guy with the big teeth. But troubles will always find you. Instead of hiding, consider striving for a new outlook, a new attitude - take new actions and experience new results.
The choice is YOURS.
Thrive On!

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