Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Our family is not afraid of going to the doctors.  In fact, we each look forward to it, all in our own ways.  For my children, it means they get mommy's undivided attention.  For me, it's a break--some alone time.  Even while trapped in an MRI, I find peaceful solitude.  I often drift off into a dream-like state and let my body become heavily relaxed.

I have tried so hard to never instill fear in my children, when going to the doctors.  We typically talk before we leave about what will be happening.  Shots.  MRI.  Ultrasound.  Or just a check-up.  I believe age-appropriate, full disclosure is the best way to let my kids know what may happen. 

But yesterday was different. We KNEW we were going to get bad news.  Even with the talk beforehand, there was no real way I could prepare Bailey with what the doctor would tell us.  

With changes in Bailey's symptoms and a report that there were "changes" in the recent MRI, I prepared Bailey, for what the doctor had suggested would be talked about at the appointment.  Chemotherapy.

But the blow, still hit us me hard.  The changes were not JUST changes, but a brand new tumor on a very sensitive and dangerous part of her brain.

When the doctor compared the MRI Bailey had in August 2010, then the one she had in February 2011, the doctor could see a hint of this tumor in the earlier scan...That she says, could have been mistaken for a vein.  

But the recent scan showed an M&M sized tumor on the Corpus Callosum.  This is the part of the brain, that connects the two halves together.

Bailey sat beside me unfazed.  I wasn't sure if she understood what was happening.  My eyes filled with tears as the doctor handed us a schedule and told us Bailey needed surgery to install the port

The port is a device placed under the surface of the skin to allow easy access to organs or the circulatory system for chemotherapy drugs.  We met with a really nice woman, who explained the whole process.

Bailey had a few questions and while we were waiting for the doctor to return, with a date for the surgery, I just held Bailey.  She didn't seem upset.  If it were me, I'd be a mess.  But I was a mess!  I was a mess for Bailey.

"Don't cry mommy.....God knows what he's doing, and I will be okay."

Man, this girl.  Here I was...a weak, sobbing mess.....and Bailey is uplifting me?  Again?  I wiped my tears and promised Bailey that I would be there for her, the entire time.  I praised my strong young lady.

"Will I get to miss school for this?"  she asks.  "Probably", I told her.  I told her that every week, after chemo, we'll go for a ice cream cone...that was good news to her, bad news for my growing waistline. :)

Whatever it is you are facing, you can find strength in the strangest of places.  Focusing on the problems (even the scary solutions to the problems) can wind up setting you back and facing you in a direction that will get you nowhere.

I always try to keep in my mind, that things could always be worse....and there are those out there facing far more scarier things.

We felt good when we leave the hospital.  We weren't told "There's nothing that can be done" or "Let's watch and wait".....we were given an answer....and for now....we will focus on that!

If you haven't already...head over to my daughters blog.  At 15 yrs old, she has quite a good outlook on things.  I am so so so proud of her! 

Thrive On!