I LOVE January! A fresh New Year....Means a fresh New Start! As I have said in previous posts...I don't really do resolutions....I just feel they set me up for failure...and who wants that?!
Last week, I was watching The Biggest Loser...Rob (my least favorite contestant) met with Dolvet to rappel down a waterfall cliff and threw his typical tantrum. He was scared. He was filled with excuses.
In Rob's mind...He was still that 400 pound guy.
In THAT moment. Rob became my favorite. (I could do without the anger-infused crying though) I related with him in a very personal way. I totally got the fear. The hesitation.
Today...I am at the healthiest weight that I have ever been. Even my own doctor told me, that for a 40 year old mother of six...I was "perfect"...and that I should focus on "maintaining rather than losing"....
It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I am not considered "FAT" anymore. My mind ALWAYS goes to that-FAT-GIRL-who-needs-to-lose-AT-LEAST-100-pounds! And in a lot of ways, my mind believes that I am still her. As hard as I try to let that girl go....Parts of me cling to her...Because I am afraid to let her go. Scared that if I do...I won't know who I am, without her.
It's such a hard and confusing battle. I can't even begin to understand it.
I should be embracing the body I have worked so hard for...But instead, I use my fear, to stop me from doing things.
So...Today - I have my 2015 Bucket List. Things that scare the crud out of me...But also excite me. Things that - The 242 pound girl stopped me from doing....
- Rappel Down a mountain.
- Run a Marathon
- Scuba Dive
- Learn to Ski
- Camp with just a tent and a sleeping bag
- Para glide (scares the pants off me!)
- Volunteer in a soup kitchen during a holiday
- Do public speaking for an audience of 1,000 or more (GULP! I have done it in front of 250)
- Get a tummy tuck (losing 120 pounds is great...but the aftermath is not so wonderful)
- Have the honeymoon with my hubby - that we never got the chance to have!
- Learn to play an instrument
- Go on a cruise
- Be comfortable in a bathing suit - in PUBLIC
- Get a tattoo
- Update scrapbooks
- Paint -
- Take pictures-
- Send "thinking of you" cards out
- Go to a party that does not include children...and be SOCIAL. *yikes*
- Get some of my tumors removed
- Spend time in a hotel room...and order room service
- Get on TV
- Learn skills to fight off a potential attacker
- Learn to ride a motorcycle
These are just my TOP 25....All are do-able if I WANT THEM TO HAPPEN. I have to let the fear go. I have to realize that, that 242 pound girl is someone I have to let go of. Just like a past relationship....I have to learn and grow from that person...So that I can be a better ME NOW.
2015 WILL BE THE BEST THRIVING YEAR YET!