Today is our appointment with The Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Institute.  I've been both dreading and looking forward to this day for over a month.  I don't know what to expect, but was told to plan for an "all day" visit with specialists who will hopefully give us some answers.

Braden had his 'every-6 month-eye check' last month and the doctor told us that "suspicious calcium and masses" were found way back in Braden's right eye.  This to go along with Braden's already diagnosed LEFT SIDE optic glioma.

But this didn't appear to be a glioma.  It's "something else" our doctor said.

After Braden left the for a bathroom break the doctor showed me images of what he found.  Technology is so cool...And I was able to see the nerves, vessels and optic nerve.  The doctor pointed to the areas of concern and told me that what we were looking at COULD BE early signs of Cancer.

COULD BE.

I've been told many COULD BE's in my life, but THIS....I felt dizzy and sick.  I sat down on the chair next to the computer, where the images were flashing -- Braden came back into the room and sat in the exam chair.

Nothing more was said directly to us....Except for "We need to send you to a specialist."

And this is where we are...About to head out for our all day eye appointment....And I realize, just like the day Bailey was diagnosed with her brain tumors and went on chemo....That I have a choice to make.

I can CHOOSE to spend my day worried and fretting over the COULD BE....

OR

I can CHOOSE to spend the day with my teenage son (something that rarely happens) and be happy.

I know the path I am taking today!

THRIVE ON!

(An Update will be posted about the results as soon as I know them)

Giving it to God

School OFFICIALLY starts for ALL of my kids today.  It's been the longest Summer in the histories of Summers.  (I'm smiling when I write this, but the reality is, I'm not kidding)  I'm sitting here in the waiting room of The Children's Hospital.

Yes AGAIN!

I'm scanning the faces of the people in this room with me and wondering what THEIR story is.  Do we have things in common (we have at least ONE thing)....Are these people as disheveled as I am?  Are THEY wondering about me and why I am there?

I LOVE and HATE this place.  The smell is the first thing to hit us as we walk through the doors, as the cafeteria is to the left.  No matter what time of day it is, the smell always makes me hungry....That familiar, over-fried, yummy smelling kind of food.

But, the busy-ness overwhelms me....Everyone always seems in a hurry to get somewhere.....And the 7th floor.  The "oncology floor"...That dreaded ride up the elevator....And the desk where you have to check-in and wear a sticker.  Red if you are healthy....Green if you are not.  

Thankfully, we have only been green once...and we were admitted and put in isolation.

I remember each and every ride up and down that elevator....And how Bailey and I like to push every button as we exit...We laugh because we know that now the elevator has to stop at EVERY SINGLE LEVEL....We haven't done that in a while.  In fact, lately the rides up and down have been pretty quiet.

Today is her 'every-3 month-MRI'...

The drive to the hospital was not your typical one.  Bailey talked to me about her fears....and told me she is scared of what the MRI will tell us....She never does this....She's the type of girl who goes with the flow...And doesn't let things bother her.  Or so I thought.

Today is tense.  During Bailey's eye exam....I found myself just waiting for the Dr. to tell me something was wrong.  A week ago, I went to the same Dr. for Braden's 6 month check, and was slammed with the news that something didn't look right.  "Something" was found in Braden's right eye.  Not a optic glioma...but "something".

We were rushed around with the doctor telling us we needed more tests....dilation, pictures, ultrasound....Then ultimately being told we needed a specialist and MORE tests.

But Bailey's appointment went well.  *WHEW*  We got the "See you in a YEAR" report and went to Rachel's appointment....The girls thought it was cool to use the SKYWALK!  Her exam took less than 1/2 hour...and we got the THUMBS UP for her as well!!

This has me feeling excited...Do good things really come in three's?

We take the SKYWALK back to the main hospital to have lunch in the cafeteria.  The girls and I did a "Ketchup Toast" with french fries and talked about how cute the eye doctor was.  (Don't worry Rich, I'm head-over-heels in love with you)

There's this weird thing about waiting rooms.  It's cold in here and everyone just looks sad.

Whatever the results are from this MRI, will be what they will be.  I am practicing the act of giving it to God....Which is MUCH easier said than done.  Having no control over these medical issues drives me crazy....I want to FIX this, and I can't.

Helpless--Hopeless and feeling bound by Neurofibromatosis.  But even in the midst of THOSE feelings, we THRIVE....Knowing that God's plan for us is being lived out.

I'm not a perfect Christian....I do have doubts and questions.  I am sure the even the most faithful of people have questions and doubts....

But TODAY...RIGHT NOW...I am comforted, in a way that's hard to explain.  Good News, or Bad News, I am confident that God will give the strength that is needed to endure it.

TODAY....Giving it to God is easy...and feels good.

THRIVE ON!

Eye Eye Eye!

I haven't written much about Rachel lately...mostly because her symptoms have remained stable. She is a healthy thriving child, who has Neurofibromatosis.

The main concerns with my tiny bundle of energy has been her eyes. While she does not have an optic glioma, she does have a brain tumor, and narrowing her her optic pathways. This being a main cause for diminished vision.

Yesterday, Rachel came home with more than "normal" crossing of her left eye. I thought she was being goofy making her eyes cross, but as we walked home from school, it was apparent that Rachel had something going on.

I called her pediatrician and she was seen within the hour (wow!) This was Rachel's first visit with this Dr. So we had to first unload Rachel's complicated medical history in regards to NF. This dr wasted no time, in referring us to the Children's Hospital in Aurora where we were to be seeing the Ophthalmology department, the next day.

So, this morning, after Bailey left for school, we headed to the Orthodontist, for an assessment for braces. Keeping THIS appnt was important, and I kept watching the clock, knowing we had a very important Eye visit.

After the orthodontist, we drop Riley and Braden off at their schools and head to Aurora.

A thorough examination showed that in fact the crossing was an issue. Rachel did well with the initial exam but typically her crossing does eventually go back to normal. Not this time....this time her eye seemed to be stuck in a crossed position.

Rachel begged the doctor, "Please don't make me wear the patches, I don't like them!" But this is very likely to happen...even though the last time we went through this, it didn't seem to help much.

We got a new prescription which is for bifocals, and raced to get my kindergartner to school on time. When I got home, I was looking forward to some time to unwind and get some laundry done....then the phone rings.

We were ordered to go to the North Campus of the Children's Hospital for a sedated MRI of Rachel's orbits and optic pathways. Ugh! I go and pick Rachel up from school and we head off to the hospital.

The MRI took about 50 minutes and we waited while the sedation wore off. Again I raced to the school, just in time to pick up the kids. I didn't really even have time to think today...It was all about racing from point A to point B.

I have no idea what's going on with Rachel's eyes...but I do know we are going to find out. It helps that she is her funny, silly, ornery self. Her spirit is what keeps me going. The fire inside her makes me know that no matter what she faces, she will get through it with no problem.

We are a family who THRIVES. Things are placed before us, and we can choose to look at these things as problems, or we can choose to see them as simply things to overcome.

Thrive On!