Sunday, August 8, 2010

Positively Negative!

"How can you possibly be positive when you are living with such a horrible condition? I couldn't possibly live with all THOSE bumps!"

I was told this not too long ago, by one of my "friends". "I just don't understand you, and your attitude towards NF." My response was simply this, "When I choose to feel good....I do good, I speak good, and THAT makes me feel even better. I CHOOSE to be okay with Neurofibromatosis, even when it really sucks."

This person will probably never grasp the idea of positive thinking, and while I am sad about that, I cannot focus on how horrible this person's outlook on life is. All I can do, is try to present how it is possible to be wonderfully okay with life.

I grew up around negative people. My mother being the worst of all. Even to this day, all I hear when I speak to her is how bad life is, and how it's everyone Else's fault for her being so miserable.

My mother also lives with Neurofibromatosis. I am sure she hates it, just as much as I do. But I watch in awe how vastly different our lives are. It's almost as if I feel a sudden shift of gravity, every time I am close to her. The weight of her anger and sadness resonates to me, and I begin to act like her. It's scary to me when this happens and pulling away from this is very hard.

This got me thinking recently about who I am hanging around....who are the people in my life that cause this to happen? Why do I continue to be drawn to these people? The answer is simply that I relate with how these people feel. I understand the loneliness, the anger, the frustration in regards to NF.

But here's the big difference, while it's okay to feel these feelings (and I feel them every single day) It's not okay, when those become the only feelings you feel. One must make a very conscience effort to shift those feelings into something productive.

It's not an easy task...I fail all the time. But I never give up. I am not sucked in by Neurofibromatosis. I don't focus my energy on this disorder, instead I find ways to live past it. I try to surround myself with people who will acknowledge me for more than "The woman with the tumors on her face."

It's amazing how I feel when I am around these people. It's almost as if, I don't have NF at all. I feel empowered!

I know that living with Neurofibromatosis scares a lot of people. I deal with that same fear. I can't control NF, but I can control the way I feel about it. Your attitude is in your control.

I choose to live. I choose to THRIVE.


  1. Ugh! Yeah, Kristi, how *dare* you be so sunny and cheerful and shine all the time! Jeeze!!!! :p

  2. Thank you for your post. I can understand exactly what you mean. I also have NF and have tumors on my face, neck, arms and legs. The ones on my face and neck often make me avoid going places with the 15 year old daughter because kids are so mean. While I know its not anyone's fault that we live with NF everyday. I work with the best group of friends and kids and they see for who I am not what I look like. The kids just know that is the way God made me and they are okay with that. I pray that there will be a cure for this disease one day.

  3. You are a SUPER STAR KRISTI!

  4. You are great!! When Kambi found you - after the news about her daughter - she was so influenced by your positive attitude. You helped her keep a more positive outlook on her daughter's diagnosis. While Kambi had NF, it didn't great affect her life until they found the plexi tumor in Kourtney. You were a source of inspiration to her. Keep thriving!!!